Rosa Kelana

Twilight is nightfall, the time when the sun down in the afternoon, going to be night. One should have cleansed oneself and be ready to have afternoon prayer, or "sholat Magrib", it is late time of the day, one supposed to have finished with working time of the day. For elderly, it is a late time, one is supposed to be composed, and  should concentrate on spiritual matters like reciting sacred Kuranic verses for self provisions in the eternal world, the time when one is to appear before the Almighty God. One should not be burderned with mundane matters, nomore turmoil in the heart,  One is supposed to be calm, composed, wise and solemn. In the world of reality, there are still a lot of problems that must be faced by individual, whilst life is still there. Problems that never came up before, this time they can come up and turn upside down everything. One needs firm attitude to face problems, to be brave, as well as to be considerate. When they are still active and work for t...

We do our fasting for about 18 days now, and Iedulfitri will be in about 10 days' time. I don't have any preparation for celebrating this Iedulfitri. It has been along time that I don't celebrate Iedulfitri. In the past of two or three years I have neglected this celebration, because I myself have been in emosional trouble, heavy trouble. And I have been here, in Candi, since the month of September 2012, so nearly one year. I feel better now, I can enjoy my being in this place. And I have made up my mind not to ramble anymore. Lately, I feel rather blue. When I was still in Pontianak, I was feeling bad, I felt unacceppted (only my feeling), and now I have the feeling of unattended, but I myself contradict this feeling, as long as they don't  react, I may not suspect bad to them, my staying here is on my own choice, so I will do everything I could, just for helping the landlady to alleviate the house work. It's only a small thing I can do, for reciprocating this fa...

May 29, 2013 This new post is intended for self preparing to welcome Ramadhan. I know, that I am not too sincere in praying, I haven't done it regularly yet. I am still indulged myself, I am still  trying to comfort myself. I do not complain about my present life, j'aime beaucoup mon train de vie. And I still hope there will still be a change in my life, I will be able to live gorgeously as an happy elderly, though living alone. Today, May 30, 2013, I am to promise to hold praying every time just for self indulgence.And I promise to hold better structured life. Today I totally failed, I am afraid that I will not have any chance to my obsession for reorganizing, resizing and repacking myself. I want to fast for 10 days to welcome the sacred month of Ramadhan, they say, if I can make use of 10 days  of this month of Rajab, I will be able to have hope for better life. I want to do this seriously. Dear Sister, I regret very much, that this week I have failed to self discip...

I posted on FB updating my status that in reality, heart dictates one's life. I have said that because I realize that leading my life down-to-earth needs a lot of patience and devotion, needs work hard. I believe my heart can manage totally my life, as I always wish. I want to be a copywriter, this seems very promising, because they offer an opportunity to be a retirement to have a side job, for people who is 18 or 80, I have already had the basic tools for this. But once again, they say it is from +XL AXIATA Amulago... what is it? Now, who is playing a prank on me? I will disregard it, because I don't have any money to be given away.Yes, I do want money, I need it, but how can it come into my account? I have no job, so there is no pay for me also. Back to a copywriter. I hope I can find the way to be a copywriter, and I hope also I can get money and then lead a life as normal as possible. Dini is very best niece I have, she has transferred me money for my daily requiremen...

April 6, 2013 I want to make this month of April 2013 as the beginning my effort to restore my life. I believe that I  lead my life plain and unpretentious. I don't want to dream anymore. I will live with whatever I have, whatever I can do, and whatever  I can make it. I think I will dare to go like this all along. I don't have enough money for today, I will not matter it, because the landlord prepares to supply anything I need, mainly for daily meal requirements. It does well for me, because I can fill in my time for preparing meal for this family everyday. And for my basic requirements, i.e. pulse charges of the amount Rp. 250 thousand. This can be covered for this month. Some of my nieces and nephews are willing to give their hands to me, they are helping me. I don't mind staying in this family, forever if it is possible,  but I will pray, may God bestow me to be in good condition, and I would pray, God will grant prosperity  to the family who has given me lif...

Candi, 29 Maret 2013, I am very grateful that I can go through the dark, now the day is clearer though there is no lark singing, it is very tranquil. A better thing is I realize that I must take good care of myself, protect myself and love myself sincerely. An improvement that has happened inside myself is I have become myself thoroughly, I can controll everything I have done, a life that totally differs from yesterday. Yesterday, I was always in different time and in different place, I meant what I was doing differed from what I was thinking. My mind was always rambling, I was always dreaming, the reality was different from the expectation, and I seemed to always have self disappointment, so I had never done thing seriously, and I felt having self failure, though I was awashed with luxery, but I always felt disabled. Happily , now it was over, my life had been totally changed. I have promised to be down-to-earth, I don't want to keep any resentment, grudge or heartache in my...

Friday , March 8, 2013 I am now in the brim of proverty in my life, I don't have any activities to support my own daily life, and I don't have money either. Since yesterday, I have asked Surono for money, the kind of thing that I have never done so far, but it saved my life  for this moment. At least, I need money for pulse of HP and laptop to the amount Rp. 250 thousand monthly, I remember, when I was visiting a clairvoyance at Batu, Malang, a chinese voodoo, predicting that I would be in a poverty when I passed my fifties, now I have been in the sixties, it seems that the prediction has come true. I have friends, and for the time being, I can cry out a help to them, I have been thinking of my nephew, asking him to help me with some amount of money to fill into my bank account, I don't know whether he is in a position to do that or not, I mean, does he have money for that, and how much amount he will put it my bank account, I don't know. I don't expect too much...