Rosa Kelana

This will be my guidance to build a world anew.   I have been 2 years staying in this suburb, 2 years is not a short time, and I will be 70 years' old. I need a place to hide away, and I realize that only with writing I can manage my own emotion and also my life. trying to tell what I feel, will only hurt myself. I feel there are signs of reluctance that I might be their burden, an elderly, who seems afraid of getting troubles with me. The landlord has no word with me for so many months, he seems disappointed with my presence, therefore I feel confused so far, I worry a lot with my life to come. Now I surrender totally, I will make positive activities.Every day, I try myself to do positive things, I try to give my time to help the lady of this house, so she can concentrate well to earn more bread for the family, and I always pray begging forgiveness of Allah SWT, because I always think that now Allah SWT testing me, cleansing me thoroughly, I wish I will be able to get through th

Lately, I was tested by the Almighty Allah SWT  I must go on walking forward. It seemed that I have been lost in the deep of dense forest. Some months ago I was making a blunder, by requesting help from my nieces and the reaction was negative. Then I have the feeling that I have been an unaccepted person, I became a personna non grata.I was afraid also that I would be a castaway.How I can make use of all the faculties I have simultaneously. Wednesday, 28th May 2014.   Today, I feel down, I have failed to make self  enforcing discipline in life. I do want to be normal as an individual, as a normal person living in a society. Last few days I have been covered up with boredom, I feel grim, fed up, worried, and I really feel despondent. I am really in the bottom of existence, I don't have money, anything for being survive. At the end of my life, I am in very bad mood, I am disheartened. I can't do anything now, just to stay up, and try to find out the things that still in my po