SELF ORGANIZATION - Who will love you my dear, if you ramble.
This will be my guidance to build a world anew.
I have been 2 years staying in this suburb, 2 years is not a short time, and I will be 70 years' old. I need a place to hide away, and I realize that only with writing I can manage my own emotion and also my life. trying to tell what I feel, will only hurt myself. I feel there are signs of reluctance that I might be their burden, an elderly, who seems afraid of getting troubles with me. The landlord has no word with me for so many months, he seems disappointed with my presence, therefore I feel confused so far, I worry a lot with my life to come. Now I surrender totally, I will make positive activities.Every day, I try myself to do positive things, I try to give my time to help the lady of this house, so she can concentrate well to earn more bread for the family, and I always pray begging forgiveness of Allah SWT, because I always think that now Allah SWT testing me, cleansing me thoroughly, I wish I will be able to get through this life. I know that this family feel disappointed on me, I don't blame them, I hope this process soon will be over. Now I lead the life, I try to make use of all my strength to reorganize the whole life of mine.
Sept 13, 2014
I want to change my life, now I am pondering how to make this change. I want this change happens of the help of God. I dare not ask the help of my kins or my folks, I am really afraid of being hurt, oh my sist, please help me.
My God, I am thankful for the present condition and situation that surround me, I have still all my faculty in my possession, meaning that I am really sane and sound, I can only help in the kitchen in the morning. I prepare the meal for this family, I try to do positive thing all the day, my faculties promise to help me to be active, they wish me to lead this life best possible and keep myself healthy and can always move on savoring this life to the full. I am grateful to my fate this time. I pray that I am forgiven. I am very sorry that I can avoid being worry and desperate over myself, afraid being older and fragile.Fragility makes me afraid to be troublesome to other folks, I am dreadfully fearful; I kneel in prayer, I hope I can be consistent, I kneel in prayer, I kneel in prayer.
I worry very much to face the day to come, people in this house seem to want me to go out, but whereto? I don't have anything for living outside this house, this is the only place that I can stay at the present, I am afraid, I am freigthened. I pray it is not a curse for me, it is only test from The Almighty God, Allah SWT, to lead me to the correct path to heaven. I pray and pray every time for that, I never did bad to other people, even I always wanted to help other people, so I will pray every time, night and day, I want to be forgiven, I am very grateful that now I don't have any debt, yes, I will live prudently.
Today I feel slight composed. I am just an ordinary human being, in the past I might have taken a lot mistakes in taking decision, but I was not a cruel person, I always wished to be a person of virtue, I did try to be benevolent to other weak people, and if now, I become a powerless person, I hope it is not a condemn and my life will go saddened, I pray God not condemn me in such dishonor, will my life at the end stage will be smashed into pieces? I pray and pray that this such ruin will not happen at all. I pray. I totally surrender to God will, I pray I will be able to become a solemn devotee. Amin.
I am prepared to live well and in good order and I will take good care of myself, I will not endanger myself. But I have been here for two years, it is a very long time, isn't it? meanwhile, life of an elderly is very susceptible, very easy to be caught by illnesses and misfortune. No wonder that people in this house feel bored. I beg mercy of my God, Allah SWT, to give me duties and responsible in this life, I have been so long to be unemployed, so I cannot win bread for myself. Please, help me.
I have been trying to do my best so far, I fill my mind and activities with positive things. I learn French, I do not know for what purpose; I perform religious service as regular possible, I am rather skeptical also my life can be changed, the nature of "bejo" had been with me when I was young, when I was still active. I must be really be down-to-earth. I still worry, I am afraid, but life must go on, isn't it ? I think when I concentrate to learn French and also to perform sholat, I will be able to go on living like today, and await and be what must be, let it be, let it be. It should be better to surrender, to confess that you have myself been defeated.
My friend, however I have tried hard to make self comfortable, and realize that I am now vey poor, I have nothing, if now, I force myself rro, then I am sure I will be vagabond. It scares me.very much. I vigorousrly do sholat wishing God bestows me valuables that can be used as my first capital for me to lead normal life, not as an elderly, but as human being, who savor the life to the full. Amin.
Sister, it has been 3 days that my emotion goes up and down, makes me feel vey uneasy. Now I try to walk on in my present condition, I am reorganizing my day-to-day life, as long I can do the best for my own interest. I only think about my health physically and mentally. I kneel down praying to God.
My today's feeling is great. In my present condition, where I realize that I can do nothing than to accept everything on my way now. I get helps from all my faculties, all is doing the best for protecting myself. When I get the feeling that I am not acccepted in this environment, I am surrender, I pray that all this unfortunate moment, I want to be liberated and bestowed with happiness for myself.
body
I have reread tbis post and decided to continue reorganizing myself for having better living then.
The year of 2017 gave me a unstable feeling, worrying, afraid of being real vagabond, afraid of having to live in nomade, and the year 2017 I found fears in running day-of-day life, particularly in money matters. I must confess that the visits of granddoughters of my beloved mas Bintoro had showered a new hope to better life in the days to come. I am very grateful for surprise I got.
I am thinking of doing something to reshape my body, I want to get slimmer, and I want to be healthy. I wish I could get thinner so that I can't continue living such a sluggish life.
I am trying my best to have a real restoration, so that I will be o sho0able to enjoy this life too the full.
I want to reogaanize my own life now.
July 4, 2018
I have been more than 4 years living here in this boarding house.
I have been 2 years staying in this suburb, 2 years is not a short time, and I will be 70 years' old. I need a place to hide away, and I realize that only with writing I can manage my own emotion and also my life. trying to tell what I feel, will only hurt myself. I feel there are signs of reluctance that I might be their burden, an elderly, who seems afraid of getting troubles with me. The landlord has no word with me for so many months, he seems disappointed with my presence, therefore I feel confused so far, I worry a lot with my life to come. Now I surrender totally, I will make positive activities.Every day, I try myself to do positive things, I try to give my time to help the lady of this house, so she can concentrate well to earn more bread for the family, and I always pray begging forgiveness of Allah SWT, because I always think that now Allah SWT testing me, cleansing me thoroughly, I wish I will be able to get through this life. I know that this family feel disappointed on me, I don't blame them, I hope this process soon will be over. Now I lead the life, I try to make use of all my strength to reorganize the whole life of mine.
Sept 13, 2014
I want to change my life, now I am pondering how to make this change. I want this change happens of the help of God. I dare not ask the help of my kins or my folks, I am really afraid of being hurt, oh my sist, please help me.
My God, I am thankful for the present condition and situation that surround me, I have still all my faculty in my possession, meaning that I am really sane and sound, I can only help in the kitchen in the morning. I prepare the meal for this family, I try to do positive thing all the day, my faculties promise to help me to be active, they wish me to lead this life best possible and keep myself healthy and can always move on savoring this life to the full. I am grateful to my fate this time. I pray that I am forgiven. I am very sorry that I can avoid being worry and desperate over myself, afraid being older and fragile.Fragility makes me afraid to be troublesome to other folks, I am dreadfully fearful; I kneel in prayer, I hope I can be consistent, I kneel in prayer, I kneel in prayer.
I worry very much to face the day to come, people in this house seem to want me to go out, but whereto? I don't have anything for living outside this house, this is the only place that I can stay at the present, I am afraid, I am freigthened. I pray it is not a curse for me, it is only test from The Almighty God, Allah SWT, to lead me to the correct path to heaven. I pray and pray every time for that, I never did bad to other people, even I always wanted to help other people, so I will pray every time, night and day, I want to be forgiven, I am very grateful that now I don't have any debt, yes, I will live prudently.
Today I feel slight composed. I am just an ordinary human being, in the past I might have taken a lot mistakes in taking decision, but I was not a cruel person, I always wished to be a person of virtue, I did try to be benevolent to other weak people, and if now, I become a powerless person, I hope it is not a condemn and my life will go saddened, I pray God not condemn me in such dishonor, will my life at the end stage will be smashed into pieces? I pray and pray that this such ruin will not happen at all. I pray. I totally surrender to God will, I pray I will be able to become a solemn devotee. Amin.
I am prepared to live well and in good order and I will take good care of myself, I will not endanger myself. But I have been here for two years, it is a very long time, isn't it? meanwhile, life of an elderly is very susceptible, very easy to be caught by illnesses and misfortune. No wonder that people in this house feel bored. I beg mercy of my God, Allah SWT, to give me duties and responsible in this life, I have been so long to be unemployed, so I cannot win bread for myself. Please, help me.
I have been trying to do my best so far, I fill my mind and activities with positive things. I learn French, I do not know for what purpose; I perform religious service as regular possible, I am rather skeptical also my life can be changed, the nature of "bejo" had been with me when I was young, when I was still active. I must be really be down-to-earth. I still worry, I am afraid, but life must go on, isn't it ? I think when I concentrate to learn French and also to perform sholat, I will be able to go on living like today, and await and be what must be, let it be, let it be. It should be better to surrender, to confess that you have myself been defeated.
My friend, however I have tried hard to make self comfortable, and realize that I am now vey poor, I have nothing, if now, I force myself rro, then I am sure I will be vagabond. It scares me.very much. I vigorousrly do sholat wishing God bestows me valuables that can be used as my first capital for me to lead normal life, not as an elderly, but as human being, who savor the life to the full. Amin.
Sister, it has been 3 days that my emotion goes up and down, makes me feel vey uneasy. Now I try to walk on in my present condition, I am reorganizing my day-to-day life, as long I can do the best for my own interest. I only think about my health physically and mentally. I kneel down praying to God.
My today's feeling is great. In my present condition, where I realize that I can do nothing than to accept everything on my way now. I get helps from all my faculties, all is doing the best for protecting myself. When I get the feeling that I am not acccepted in this environment, I am surrender, I pray that all this unfortunate moment, I want to be liberated and bestowed with happiness for myself.
body
I have reread tbis post and decided to continue reorganizing myself for having better living then.
The year of 2017 gave me a unstable feeling, worrying, afraid of being real vagabond, afraid of having to live in nomade, and the year 2017 I found fears in running day-of-day life, particularly in money matters. I must confess that the visits of granddoughters of my beloved mas Bintoro had showered a new hope to better life in the days to come. I am very grateful for surprise I got.
I am thinking of doing something to reshape my body, I want to get slimmer, and I want to be healthy. I wish I could get thinner so that I can't continue living such a sluggish life.
I am trying my best to have a real restoration, so that I will be o sho0able to enjoy this life too the full.
I want to reogaanize my own life now.
July 4, 2018
I have been more than 4 years living here in this boarding house.
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