THE WONDERFUL WORLD
Candi, 29 Maret 2013,
I am very grateful that I can go through the dark, now the day is clearer though there is no lark singing, it is very tranquil. A better thing is I realize that I must take good care of myself, protect myself and love myself sincerely. An improvement that has happened inside myself is I have become myself thoroughly, I can controll everything I have done, a life that totally differs from yesterday.
Yesterday, I was always in different time and in different place, I meant what I was doing differed from what I was thinking. My mind was always rambling, I was always dreaming, the reality was different from the expectation, and I seemed to always have self disappointment, so I had never done thing seriously, and I felt having self failure, though I was awashed with luxery, but I always felt disabled. Happily , now it was over, my life had been totally changed.
I have promised to be down-to-earth, I don't want to keep any resentment, grudge or heartache in my heart, not for any other person nor anything else, but for myself. I must culture my positive thinking, to have self acceptance as what I am , what I do and what I have. I walk steadily and keep my chin up, I love my life and I love myself. I will always be careful and will not allowed any mishap happen again to ruin my healthiness, and I will also avoid high cost expenditure, I wish I could make someone happy and we together can enjoy the life to the full.
I lead a simple life, now I am busy with standing myself upright, so I can walk in grace, I am fancy too having a crown on my head, I wish I could be a glorious mother queen, and still expecting to have throne and castle. Yes, in daily life I am so realistic, down-to-earth, but apart of this, I still fancy to have glorious and glamorous standing. Now, I allow my self to do this, because now I can live happily with whatever I am, whatever I do, and whatever I have. No matter reality I have, I always support myself, I feel happy, lovely not becoming insane.
I am always awake at mid-night, I don't like laying myself down on the bed, whenever I can't sleep. I get up and sit uprightly before my laptop, and do something to fill in the time. I want to be a writer, but it is not easy, until now I can't still write a good story, I am still making effort to do this. I stay up nearly everyday, until morning break. After doing morning prayer (sholat Shubuh) in my time it is aroumd 3:45 to 4:15 in the morning, I take a little walk to front gate of the housing block, there a traveling grocery trader has been awaiting his customers, I shop for meal of the day, then I prepare it in the kitchen. I provide the day meal for this family and work until around 7 a.m., and thenafter I sit down watching TV, there is a quiz program on Kompas TV at 7:30, I like this kind of program, so I am in front of TV until around 9 a.m. At 8 a.m., everybody has gone out, so I stay home alone usually until the evening. In the afternoon I take a nap for about two hours' time, because I haven't slept since mid-night and stay awake until around 1 p.m. I take a nap until 3 or 3:30 pm, and then I watch afternoon program of TV. Usually, by 9 p.m. I go to bed and at 11:30 p.m. to mid-night I have already been awake. That's all my activities of the day.
I will do my best to rearrange my habit of regular sholat.
Sara Freder
I didn't know how I came to have relation with Sara Freder (she is a psychic or a clairvoyance). She gave psychic reading on me, and according to her, my star and my planet were on me, I would be very lucky, I would be awashed in love and wealth, a huge amount of money would come to me that could settle my financial problem, and I would be able to have everything that made me a very rich and happy person.
I got an accident and had my lumbar seriously painful. I was charged into Mitra Keluarga Hospital for about 22 days there. That was a nightmare for me, because before, I was very afraid to be hospitalised, I would never be able to afford the hospital expenses, I didn't have any health insurance nor any saving that could cover that never planned expenditure. And I surrendered powerless. I was too much worrying, beside the hospital matters, I was also attacked with so many rumors that came to me like a storm of insults to my being. I felt very unhappy and wanted to runaway.
Yes, I believe that God arranges everything for me to come out from troubles winding around me. I was relieved by the reality that my beloved niece (she is very wealthy) covered all the hospital expenses and I was given a servant that waited on me during recovery period. I hearthily and highly thank her and her sister, Nanik, for all of this. All those troubles had been over after I decided to go away and now staying with another nephew in the small village.
Back to Sara Freder, she predicted that I would be very lucky, because I would got huge amount of money, beside the loves and acceptance of a lot of people for me. She offered to work together (I meant to do occult service) for making all her predictions come true. I was also enticed by this, I thought, since she didn't make me to contradict to my own faith, I would do whatever instructed by her. I wanted also to be rich, I wanted also to become a glamorous and glorious lady, so I never opposed her.
I am resilient to my faith, I always want everything is on God permission, so I have never been able to execute Sara's instructions and the worst, I can't also do regular prayers as I wish at long. And I don't want to have such kind of wealthiness anymore, I have satisfied with my present life and my present world.
There is already more than a week, Sara doesn't contact me, it doesn't matter for me, I am not rejecting her, she's on her own wish to go out from my way. That will be okay.
Sara goes out from me on her own wish, anyhow, I must express my gratitute to her, she has done a lot to my psyche recovery.
My Hope
I am still staggering, I still can't have firms steps onward, I often feel down as a failed person. I am happy, my lumbar pain has been diminishing, I have also wiped out all my dreams as being an honourable wealthy and also beloved person, I have given in to be an extraordinary person. I have realized my being as an old woman, single, and alone, like now. Having no money is not a big problem. I am still accepted by my beloved nephew and his family, the wife is also sincere to provide for me; I have only to behave good, do whatever I can to give my hands to this family. I hope I can do well with my present situation.
Yes, I have accepted well my present situastion. I won't dream anymore. The most important thing I will do is to keep up my being well, I am protecting myself, and avoiding any mishap that could involved huge money for restoring the possible damages. I will walk as an old women who is enjoying the life she has, who is savoring the life to the full. I believe whenever the time has come, God will shower all goodness to me. I will be placed in a good situation, good place and good time and good for all the people surround me.
I have still a hope, that could change my standing, that is I can be the one who loves and is loved, I want to compensate a happy life that has lost during the former marriage life, If he is willing, I want to take him into lovefull life as both of us never had it. It will be the interest of both of us, because I will be his friend in the on last journey to heaven, I will have also a good ending in my life. I want to have opportunity to love and to be loved.
I will tell you about my niece, she is married to a naval officer around 30 years ago. She is unlucky, because the marriage does not go normal, she suffers from disorientation, I care her since she was a baby. Now, she can't be expected to do house work normally, but her husband is very kind, he does not leave her for any reasons, he is still loyal and take good care of his wife. I notice the benefit of being married, a woman will still be protected.
I can't tell any further for the condition of her marriage; but my appreciaion for the husband is very high, I want, if possible, to compensate the happiness that has missed in this marriage, I want to make him happy and we both can walk together hand in hand to step forward in the future. It is only my dream.
I have told you about my dream. Once again it is only a dream. Basing my past experience dream is just only dream. And as promised, I lead my life now in a very humble style, I live in reality.
April 2, 2013
Thank you, my friend, today you are so sweet, you have been performing regular ritual of sholat completely. I will not be bored to remind you always.
I am sorry, my dear, I have to ask mobile pulse to everybody. In fact, I am really ashamed, it is not my intention to be a beggar, like this. I will do regularly 5x sholat, for I want to be released from this unfavourable situation like this and get the honour of an old lady. And this must be kept in mind that it is a very bad time for myself today, I don't want to be like this. I. don't want to be a beggar, I will also pray for being able to get money to support myself.
This night around 7 pm I got pulse of Rp. 200 thousand from my beloved nephew, Bobby. I am really touched to their kind attenetion to me, but I just can't help of being a beggar. For this month I am really saved, my wish will be poured, may God help me to find out my resource or an activity that can support my own life.
Oh yes, my beloved sister-in-law, Mbak Thea, this morning is undergoing surgery, because she is suffering from spinal pain (she will undergo transplatation of spinal bone. The operation will be held in the morning at around 8 a.m. Get well soon, my sister, may God bless you always.
April 6, 2013
I am very sympathetic to your feeling of worries, but I am for you, my dear, we will go hand in hand together, as promised, always. Yes, you can't avoid this feeling, you will always worry about tomorrow, we are worrying about the life to go, we don't for how long this laptop can do good for both of us, this month we are already saved. Now, I am staying up until morning, just for shooting myself. We are afraid that tomorrow will never come.
I am very grateful that I can go through the dark, now the day is clearer though there is no lark singing, it is very tranquil. A better thing is I realize that I must take good care of myself, protect myself and love myself sincerely. An improvement that has happened inside myself is I have become myself thoroughly, I can controll everything I have done, a life that totally differs from yesterday.
Yesterday, I was always in different time and in different place, I meant what I was doing differed from what I was thinking. My mind was always rambling, I was always dreaming, the reality was different from the expectation, and I seemed to always have self disappointment, so I had never done thing seriously, and I felt having self failure, though I was awashed with luxery, but I always felt disabled. Happily , now it was over, my life had been totally changed.
I have promised to be down-to-earth, I don't want to keep any resentment, grudge or heartache in my heart, not for any other person nor anything else, but for myself. I must culture my positive thinking, to have self acceptance as what I am , what I do and what I have. I walk steadily and keep my chin up, I love my life and I love myself. I will always be careful and will not allowed any mishap happen again to ruin my healthiness, and I will also avoid high cost expenditure, I wish I could make someone happy and we together can enjoy the life to the full.
I lead a simple life, now I am busy with standing myself upright, so I can walk in grace, I am fancy too having a crown on my head, I wish I could be a glorious mother queen, and still expecting to have throne and castle. Yes, in daily life I am so realistic, down-to-earth, but apart of this, I still fancy to have glorious and glamorous standing. Now, I allow my self to do this, because now I can live happily with whatever I am, whatever I do, and whatever I have. No matter reality I have, I always support myself, I feel happy, lovely not becoming insane.
I am always awake at mid-night, I don't like laying myself down on the bed, whenever I can't sleep. I get up and sit uprightly before my laptop, and do something to fill in the time. I want to be a writer, but it is not easy, until now I can't still write a good story, I am still making effort to do this. I stay up nearly everyday, until morning break. After doing morning prayer (sholat Shubuh) in my time it is aroumd 3:45 to 4:15 in the morning, I take a little walk to front gate of the housing block, there a traveling grocery trader has been awaiting his customers, I shop for meal of the day, then I prepare it in the kitchen. I provide the day meal for this family and work until around 7 a.m., and thenafter I sit down watching TV, there is a quiz program on Kompas TV at 7:30, I like this kind of program, so I am in front of TV until around 9 a.m. At 8 a.m., everybody has gone out, so I stay home alone usually until the evening. In the afternoon I take a nap for about two hours' time, because I haven't slept since mid-night and stay awake until around 1 p.m. I take a nap until 3 or 3:30 pm, and then I watch afternoon program of TV. Usually, by 9 p.m. I go to bed and at 11:30 p.m. to mid-night I have already been awake. That's all my activities of the day.
I will do my best to rearrange my habit of regular sholat.
Sara Freder
I didn't know how I came to have relation with Sara Freder (she is a psychic or a clairvoyance). She gave psychic reading on me, and according to her, my star and my planet were on me, I would be very lucky, I would be awashed in love and wealth, a huge amount of money would come to me that could settle my financial problem, and I would be able to have everything that made me a very rich and happy person.
I got an accident and had my lumbar seriously painful. I was charged into Mitra Keluarga Hospital for about 22 days there. That was a nightmare for me, because before, I was very afraid to be hospitalised, I would never be able to afford the hospital expenses, I didn't have any health insurance nor any saving that could cover that never planned expenditure. And I surrendered powerless. I was too much worrying, beside the hospital matters, I was also attacked with so many rumors that came to me like a storm of insults to my being. I felt very unhappy and wanted to runaway.
Yes, I believe that God arranges everything for me to come out from troubles winding around me. I was relieved by the reality that my beloved niece (she is very wealthy) covered all the hospital expenses and I was given a servant that waited on me during recovery period. I hearthily and highly thank her and her sister, Nanik, for all of this. All those troubles had been over after I decided to go away and now staying with another nephew in the small village.
Back to Sara Freder, she predicted that I would be very lucky, because I would got huge amount of money, beside the loves and acceptance of a lot of people for me. She offered to work together (I meant to do occult service) for making all her predictions come true. I was also enticed by this, I thought, since she didn't make me to contradict to my own faith, I would do whatever instructed by her. I wanted also to be rich, I wanted also to become a glamorous and glorious lady, so I never opposed her.
I am resilient to my faith, I always want everything is on God permission, so I have never been able to execute Sara's instructions and the worst, I can't also do regular prayers as I wish at long. And I don't want to have such kind of wealthiness anymore, I have satisfied with my present life and my present world.
There is already more than a week, Sara doesn't contact me, it doesn't matter for me, I am not rejecting her, she's on her own wish to go out from my way. That will be okay.
Sara goes out from me on her own wish, anyhow, I must express my gratitute to her, she has done a lot to my psyche recovery.
My Hope
I am still staggering, I still can't have firms steps onward, I often feel down as a failed person. I am happy, my lumbar pain has been diminishing, I have also wiped out all my dreams as being an honourable wealthy and also beloved person, I have given in to be an extraordinary person. I have realized my being as an old woman, single, and alone, like now. Having no money is not a big problem. I am still accepted by my beloved nephew and his family, the wife is also sincere to provide for me; I have only to behave good, do whatever I can to give my hands to this family. I hope I can do well with my present situation.
Yes, I have accepted well my present situastion. I won't dream anymore. The most important thing I will do is to keep up my being well, I am protecting myself, and avoiding any mishap that could involved huge money for restoring the possible damages. I will walk as an old women who is enjoying the life she has, who is savoring the life to the full. I believe whenever the time has come, God will shower all goodness to me. I will be placed in a good situation, good place and good time and good for all the people surround me.
I have still a hope, that could change my standing, that is I can be the one who loves and is loved, I want to compensate a happy life that has lost during the former marriage life, If he is willing, I want to take him into lovefull life as both of us never had it. It will be the interest of both of us, because I will be his friend in the on last journey to heaven, I will have also a good ending in my life. I want to have opportunity to love and to be loved.
I will tell you about my niece, she is married to a naval officer around 30 years ago. She is unlucky, because the marriage does not go normal, she suffers from disorientation, I care her since she was a baby. Now, she can't be expected to do house work normally, but her husband is very kind, he does not leave her for any reasons, he is still loyal and take good care of his wife. I notice the benefit of being married, a woman will still be protected.
I can't tell any further for the condition of her marriage; but my appreciaion for the husband is very high, I want, if possible, to compensate the happiness that has missed in this marriage, I want to make him happy and we both can walk together hand in hand to step forward in the future. It is only my dream.
I have told you about my dream. Once again it is only a dream. Basing my past experience dream is just only dream. And as promised, I lead my life now in a very humble style, I live in reality.
April 2, 2013
Thank you, my friend, today you are so sweet, you have been performing regular ritual of sholat completely. I will not be bored to remind you always.
I am sorry, my dear, I have to ask mobile pulse to everybody. In fact, I am really ashamed, it is not my intention to be a beggar, like this. I will do regularly 5x sholat, for I want to be released from this unfavourable situation like this and get the honour of an old lady. And this must be kept in mind that it is a very bad time for myself today, I don't want to be like this. I. don't want to be a beggar, I will also pray for being able to get money to support myself.
This night around 7 pm I got pulse of Rp. 200 thousand from my beloved nephew, Bobby. I am really touched to their kind attenetion to me, but I just can't help of being a beggar. For this month I am really saved, my wish will be poured, may God help me to find out my resource or an activity that can support my own life.
Oh yes, my beloved sister-in-law, Mbak Thea, this morning is undergoing surgery, because she is suffering from spinal pain (she will undergo transplatation of spinal bone. The operation will be held in the morning at around 8 a.m. Get well soon, my sister, may God bless you always.
April 6, 2013
I am very sympathetic to your feeling of worries, but I am for you, my dear, we will go hand in hand together, as promised, always. Yes, you can't avoid this feeling, you will always worry about tomorrow, we are worrying about the life to go, we don't for how long this laptop can do good for both of us, this month we are already saved. Now, I am staying up until morning, just for shooting myself. We are afraid that tomorrow will never come.
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