HEART-RED ROSES
This is day 2, I have received no message from my loved one, I feel withered, my heart becomes gloom; is it a love? I may get angry, because I only want to know his well-being. It turns out that I dare not be angry to him, he is innocent, I have never asked him anything, so he doesn't have to take any permission whatsoever for anything he wants to do. He is free to do anything, I may not cling him, I may not control him. For in fact, I am also not prepared to be his. I have just taken his hand to walk along with me hand-in-hand. So he may go away. I only will give him a portion of my hearty gratitude.
This morning, I felt I was attacked by my own heart. My own heart has given me a test, will I be carried away with such situation, or can I realize that the important thing is my health, my thorough health. It is a must, because tomorrow I still do not know what will happen to my life. Dreams are always there; but dreams are just dreams, I think.
I have tried to change myself, but it seems it is not so successful. I cannot change my appearance. But thank God, I have still some positive things inside me, those are :
- love, my love is still full, some is never used, still pure, I believe.
- Sense of gratitude -
- happiness
all these because of good health, physic and mental health.
With the above treasure of mine, I think I will be able to go on having a good life.
Shall I dedicate all I have to give meaning life in reality, or keep on going alone, in happy and joyful life. I have prepared myself to any kind of life I have.
As for Ale, I owe him my gratitude, Therefore I want to always comfort him. May be I could not give him happiness in real, due to distance of space and time, I will not disappoint or hurt him. We will meet only in a longing space in my heart. In reality, I think, it will difficult, because I cannot be his perfect woman, as his wife, or as his woman. I hope on his track, he is meeting a perfect woman for his; and he will go from me happily. I will always wish him all the best. I only have love, sense of gratitude, and health; I have no money at all, I have no castle, no throne and also no crown. Though I am penniless, I am quite wealthy, because I am healthy.
I do want someone, who is robust, having power to grab me, to pull me out from where I be and take me away with him, together to lead a happy life, full with love. I have many time been bestowed with miracle; I think, miracle like my above dream will also be true. Hopefully, I wish.
On the best condition I have, I will go forward happily, alone or there may be someone else who much needs me, I will surely furnish him my love, serene and true love.
Rose, here, is the symbol of my love. I want to cultivate a rose garden, it means that I want happiness surround me. Heart red roses are my favorite flowers.
I feel worried that my love will not be with me anymore. If it is true, like this, I will surely release him, with all my heart, I would say "Goodbye, my Love", "Vaya con Dios". We are only dreaming for a short moment, we have done nothing, nothing lost from me or from him, all is okay. And I will not be able to do anything to him, especially for making him comfort, I wish he has already find his loved one, so he can continue his live happily. For you, my Alesandra, thank you very much, good bye and have a god time. (Wednesday, December 14,2011 at 13.51). I hope, this is a settlement arranged by God, I surrender.
As for me, the show must go on, I must take morning walk everyday for the sake of my healthiness. I am praying and praying every time wishing a good guy coming to stop me on my track and taking me with him, for me to also live up with a new life, full love and joy. One old friend is also there, if only he is a different guy, he should dare to ask me what he wants, I will accept him, I will make him happy, I will compensate everything that he never got from my beloved niece, love and compassion, as my gratitude to him having been a good husband to her so far, only one condition, he wants me, he wants only my love, my sincere and serene love. Or, there must be someone that is sent to me, he is sent to me to make me good and comfort; we are together being in a path of "stairway to heaven". I hope so.
December 16, 2011.
Email from Micheal was answered by me, rather incorrect, that made misunderstanding between two of us. I really felt doubtful about this relation; thinking the relation will only be a waste of time, both for me and for him. I had made decision stopping this love game; everything will become complicated later on, so let "it is ended before it's began", this is better I think. This morning at 2 am. I wrote a message to him, the point was we were discontinue this relationship. He should of course accept what was noted by me. I believe this will go smoothly, nothing bad will happen. I have done the correct thing, He must not feel bad, he should be happy, anyway. Love is ended before it's began.
I have got pattern of my going forward since now. I ever got teased by God, It was a message from Facebook, they said, informing that my email has won GBP 950,000. When it was realized, it seemed everything was in order, as real, Standard Chartered Bank of London had transferred GDP 950,000 into my account, but I was cheated, no money had come (this happened in April, 2011) and in November 2011, again it happened that I won GDP 1 million. I did not need the money, but how come It can happen; based on this experience, now I prayed to God for me to be given such kind of miracle, but in real sense.
Today, I think, it is the 5th day, it seems that he really gets angry with me, he doesn't want to continue this game. Okay, if it is like that, I do agree, I have also not intended to continue this game. But I will try to tease him, as usual, I must play my emotion, if in 7 days, he can stand like this, giving no answer to my messages,it means that he has decided , not to continue this game anymore; so I will release him from my heart, he does not belong to me. However, during this coming week, I will always blow my whisper that I love him, and I am thankful to him for having been very kind to me, he has given me opportunity to enhance my feeling and my life.
Hi KALIMANTAN, listen to me, there is a flower in the middle of the Island, it feels very lonely, it has much fragrance, it has love and vitality, it wants to be a help to someone, powerful in bringing it to decent life. The flower is me. I wish I could be grabbed by, and be pulled out from where I be and be taken away to a beautiful small castle, cozy and convenient to live in. I will be patient until God will grant me at quite right time and place such luxurious end, and I will follow him to have comfortable and cozy life.
November 30, 2012
This is my comment on the above note. made by me on January 25, 2012.The wishes I made on that time were the results of worries and bitterness in my life. I played online, but I confessed this matter was only a trigger, problems were inside with me, because I worried to much for my future, I worried being rejected by younger generation, I worried to be humiliated, being insulted because I could not give, I was afraid of being poor, being destitute. Now, it's all over, I lead a humble life, but I know, there are still people who really love me, want to give shelter and life provision for ever. I am happy now.
This morning, I felt I was attacked by my own heart. My own heart has given me a test, will I be carried away with such situation, or can I realize that the important thing is my health, my thorough health. It is a must, because tomorrow I still do not know what will happen to my life. Dreams are always there; but dreams are just dreams, I think.
I have tried to change myself, but it seems it is not so successful. I cannot change my appearance. But thank God, I have still some positive things inside me, those are :
- love, my love is still full, some is never used, still pure, I believe.
- Sense of gratitude -
- happiness
all these because of good health, physic and mental health.
With the above treasure of mine, I think I will be able to go on having a good life.
Shall I dedicate all I have to give meaning life in reality, or keep on going alone, in happy and joyful life. I have prepared myself to any kind of life I have.
As for Ale, I owe him my gratitude, Therefore I want to always comfort him. May be I could not give him happiness in real, due to distance of space and time, I will not disappoint or hurt him. We will meet only in a longing space in my heart. In reality, I think, it will difficult, because I cannot be his perfect woman, as his wife, or as his woman. I hope on his track, he is meeting a perfect woman for his; and he will go from me happily. I will always wish him all the best. I only have love, sense of gratitude, and health; I have no money at all, I have no castle, no throne and also no crown. Though I am penniless, I am quite wealthy, because I am healthy.
I do want someone, who is robust, having power to grab me, to pull me out from where I be and take me away with him, together to lead a happy life, full with love. I have many time been bestowed with miracle; I think, miracle like my above dream will also be true. Hopefully, I wish.
On the best condition I have, I will go forward happily, alone or there may be someone else who much needs me, I will surely furnish him my love, serene and true love.
Rose, here, is the symbol of my love. I want to cultivate a rose garden, it means that I want happiness surround me. Heart red roses are my favorite flowers.
I feel worried that my love will not be with me anymore. If it is true, like this, I will surely release him, with all my heart, I would say "Goodbye, my Love", "Vaya con Dios". We are only dreaming for a short moment, we have done nothing, nothing lost from me or from him, all is okay. And I will not be able to do anything to him, especially for making him comfort, I wish he has already find his loved one, so he can continue his live happily. For you, my Alesandra, thank you very much, good bye and have a god time. (Wednesday, December 14,2011 at 13.51). I hope, this is a settlement arranged by God, I surrender.
As for me, the show must go on, I must take morning walk everyday for the sake of my healthiness. I am praying and praying every time wishing a good guy coming to stop me on my track and taking me with him, for me to also live up with a new life, full love and joy. One old friend is also there, if only he is a different guy, he should dare to ask me what he wants, I will accept him, I will make him happy, I will compensate everything that he never got from my beloved niece, love and compassion, as my gratitude to him having been a good husband to her so far, only one condition, he wants me, he wants only my love, my sincere and serene love. Or, there must be someone that is sent to me, he is sent to me to make me good and comfort; we are together being in a path of "stairway to heaven". I hope so.
December 16, 2011.
Email from Micheal was answered by me, rather incorrect, that made misunderstanding between two of us. I really felt doubtful about this relation; thinking the relation will only be a waste of time, both for me and for him. I had made decision stopping this love game; everything will become complicated later on, so let "it is ended before it's began", this is better I think. This morning at 2 am. I wrote a message to him, the point was we were discontinue this relationship. He should of course accept what was noted by me. I believe this will go smoothly, nothing bad will happen. I have done the correct thing, He must not feel bad, he should be happy, anyway. Love is ended before it's began.
I have got pattern of my going forward since now. I ever got teased by God, It was a message from Facebook, they said, informing that my email has won GBP 950,000. When it was realized, it seemed everything was in order, as real, Standard Chartered Bank of London had transferred GDP 950,000 into my account, but I was cheated, no money had come (this happened in April, 2011) and in November 2011, again it happened that I won GDP 1 million. I did not need the money, but how come It can happen; based on this experience, now I prayed to God for me to be given such kind of miracle, but in real sense.
Today, I think, it is the 5th day, it seems that he really gets angry with me, he doesn't want to continue this game. Okay, if it is like that, I do agree, I have also not intended to continue this game. But I will try to tease him, as usual, I must play my emotion, if in 7 days, he can stand like this, giving no answer to my messages,it means that he has decided , not to continue this game anymore; so I will release him from my heart, he does not belong to me. However, during this coming week, I will always blow my whisper that I love him, and I am thankful to him for having been very kind to me, he has given me opportunity to enhance my feeling and my life.
Hi KALIMANTAN, listen to me, there is a flower in the middle of the Island, it feels very lonely, it has much fragrance, it has love and vitality, it wants to be a help to someone, powerful in bringing it to decent life. The flower is me. I wish I could be grabbed by, and be pulled out from where I be and be taken away to a beautiful small castle, cozy and convenient to live in. I will be patient until God will grant me at quite right time and place such luxurious end, and I will follow him to have comfortable and cozy life.
November 30, 2012
This is my comment on the above note. made by me on January 25, 2012.The wishes I made on that time were the results of worries and bitterness in my life. I played online, but I confessed this matter was only a trigger, problems were inside with me, because I worried to much for my future, I worried being rejected by younger generation, I worried to be humiliated, being insulted because I could not give, I was afraid of being poor, being destitute. Now, it's all over, I lead a humble life, but I know, there are still people who really love me, want to give shelter and life provision for ever. I am happy now.
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